Chapter Ninety: Letting Go

Just as Zhang Yue was about to head to the Southern Peak Academy, Guo Lin quietly departed without a word. He left behind a letter explaining that some matters at home required his presence, so he had returned first. As for the examination, he would ask Scholar Guo for help, and after the New Year, he would travel together with Zhang Yue to the prefectural seat in Jianyang.

Zhang Yue read the letter and was left speechless for a long time.

How could he have forgotten Guo Lin’s temperament? Even when Zhang Shi and he offered him the best food, Guo Lin would not accept it, let alone benefit from Zhang Yue’s connections to study under Zhang Youzhi. This was certainly not posturing as a senior unwilling to accept help from a junior, but rather, Guo Lin must have felt that since entering the county academy, he had received too much of Zhang Yue’s aid, and could not bear to accept more.

This disciple of Fan Wenzheng had not learned much else, but had perfectly adopted Fan Wenzheng’s character.

To put it nicely, it was integrity; to be blunt, wasn't it just being overly finicky? Terrified of owing anyone a favor, always twisting and turning, Zhang Yue was nearly exasperated.

But upon reflection, Zhang Yue realized that equality among friends, and among scholars, was important. In the past, he had taken liberties with his senior out of youthful impetuousness, disregarding propriety, which the senior could overlook as magnanimity. But if Guo Lin continued to accept his help, what would their relationship become in the future?

Perhaps Guo Lin was distancing himself for this very reason.

In any case, after Guo Lin left and the county academy closed for the season, Zhang Yue returned to his “single” life.

Having grown used to the rhythm of school, the sudden arrival of the “winter break” left him at a loss, feeling rather bored.

He packed his belongings and returned home, where Zhang Qiu was, of course, the one to greet him.

No sooner had he reached the gate than Zhang Qiu threw his arms around Zhang Yue’s waist.

“Let go, let go,” Zhang Yue protested, arms full of bags and parcels, unable to move forward.

With a mischievous grin, Zhang Qiu stepped back. “Uncle, close your eyes!”

“What’s this now? Don’t be silly.”

Blocking the doorway, Zhang Qiu refused to move until Zhang Yue closed his eyes.

“Open your mouth. No peeking.”

Obediently, Zhang Yue did as told. Soon, something sweet melted in his mouth.

He opened his eyes and smacked his lips. “Is it sugar icing?”

Zhang Qiu nodded proudly. “That’s right! I got it for you, Uncle.”

Zhang Yue patted his head. “And where did you get money?”

Zhang Qiu laughed. “Mother gave it to me. I even bought a jar of rock sugar. Uncle, you must try it later—it’s so sweet!”

Zhang Yue chuckled.

Just then, a voice sounded from inside. “Is that Uncle?”

Zhang Yue greeted from the doorway, “Greetings, Sister-in-law.”

She replied with a laugh, “Uncle, you’ve been away so long, and yet you come home so formally.”

They both laughed.

Zhang Qiu then scampered into the house and proudly emerged with a small jar of rock sugar, presenting it to Zhang Yue like a treasure. “Uncle, look what Mother bought for me today! Try a spoonful.”

He scooped some into Zhang Yue’s mouth.

“Deliciously sweet.”

Both Zhang Yue and his sister-in-law smiled.

She smiled through tears, “This time last year, we fussed and worried about buying Xi’er a bit of sugar icing. Now, if we want something, we can buy it. It’s all thanks to you, Uncle.”

Zhang Yue quickly replied, “Sister-in-law, you flatter me. It’s Brother’s hard work that has brought this about.”

She said, “Life really is better now. How are your studies this season, Uncle?”

Zhang Yue replied, “To put your mind at ease, I placed first in all sections of the public examination. After the New Year, I’ll be heading to the prefecture to meet the chief examiner.”

Upon hearing this, she covered her mouth in delight. “That’s wonderful news! Your brother will be overjoyed when he returns home and hears this. You’re so modest, and yet you’ve achieved so much. As the ancients say, after three days apart, one must look at you with new eyes.”

Zhang Yue smiled.

At that moment, a voice called from outside.

“What’s all this happiness about?”

It was Zhang Shi.

Zhang Yue laughed, “Brother, I took first place in the county academy’s examination.”

Zhang Shi grinned, “You think I don’t know? Captain Xu already told me. He said you’re about to become a National University student, is that true?”

Zhang Yue looked at his brother, who was carrying a string of lamb intestines in one hand and a package of meat wrapped in lotus leaves in the other, and smiled. “It’s not set yet. I need approval from the prefecture’s chief examiner, and then there’s another exam at the National University.”

Zhang Shi said with pride, “I knew you could do it.”

He turned to his wife. “Wife, take the lamb intestines and meat and boil them. We’ll have mutton soup for lunch.”

She shook her head. “It’s only been a few good days, and already you’re spending like this.”

Zhang Shi laughed, “My third brother is becoming a National University student. How can we not celebrate?”

Zhang Yue hurriedly said, “Brother, it’s not a done deal yet! Please don’t spread the word.”

Zhang Shi replied, “Can’t I at least mention it ahead of time? By the way, where is the National University? Is it far?”

Zhang Yue answered, “Either Bianjing or Nanjing.”

“What?” Zhang Shi was stunned on the spot.

That day, Zhang Yue’s sister-in-law cooked an especially lavish meal. The family gathered joyfully around the table.

But Zhang Shi seemed troubled. “So far away? Isn’t there a closer option?”

His wife admonished him, “Don’t be petty. A true man’s ambitions reach far and wide.”

Zhang Shi conceded, “Fine then. If Third Brother goes to the capital, we’ll move our shop there, too. We can’t be separated as a family.”

Both Zhang Yue and his sister-in-law were startled.

She shook her head and quickly said, “Uncle, don’t listen to your brother’s nonsense. Let me bring you some fish soup.”

“Thank you, Sister-in-law.”

As Zhang Yue savored the delicious fish soup, he glanced up to see his sister-in-law exchanging glances with Zhang Shi, who looked reluctant.

Setting the bowl down, Zhang Yue said, “Sister-in-law, if you have something to say, please speak freely.”

She hesitated before answering, “It’s nothing major. Now that you’re the top student and Xi’er’s studies are progressing, our family is flourishing. I have one favor to ask, Uncle.”

Zhang Yue replied at once, “I wouldn’t dare refuse. Whatever you ask.”

She smiled, “Let’s finish the fish soup first.”

When he’d finished, she continued, “Here’s the matter. Xi’er has finished his basic studies, and it’s time for him to join a classical academy and find a worthy teacher.”

Zhang Yue nodded, “You’re absolutely right, Sister-in-law. Xi’er is exceptional. Other children his age barely know the Hundred Family Surnames.”

Zhang Qiu piped up proudly, “Uncle, I’ve memorized the Hundred Family Surnames and the Thousand Character Classic. I’ve also read The Student’s Code, The Miscellaneous Characters Primer, and Difficult Vernacular Words…”

Indeed, Zhang Yue thought to himself, the boy is promising.

His sister-in-law stroked Xi’er’s head and said, “Our family’s scholarly fortune is rising, and Xi’er truly has the makings of a scholar, but even the finest jade must be shaped by a master. I’ve thought about it and realized that it’s not easy to find a good teacher, so I wonder if you might ask your teacher, Master Boyi, to let Xi’er study at the Southern Peak Academy.”

Only then did Zhang Yue realize her true intention.

No wonder his brother had once suggested sending Xi’er to Scholar Guo’s private school, which his sister-in-law had opposed. She must have been planning all along to have Xi’er join the clan academy.

Seeing Zhang Yue hesitate, Zhang Shi quickly interjected, “Xi’er is still young. Waiting another year or two won’t hurt.”

“The matter of study cannot be delayed,” Zhang Yue said. “Sister-in-law speaks wisely. However, the Southern Peak Academy is quite far.”

She replied, “It’s far, yes, but if it means Xi’er grows into a worthy man, I won’t mind. Besides, if Xi’er doesn’t come home, I can always visit him.”

“Since you’re so determined, Sister-in-law, my mind is at ease. For Xi’er’s sake, I’ll do all I can.”

Zhang Shi added, “But if it’s too much trouble for Master Boyi, we’ll let it be. I have many connections in Jianyang and there are plenty of good academies there for Xi’er.”

At these words, his wife shot him a sharp look.

Zhang Yue quickly said, “Let’s not discuss this further. I’ll ask Master Boyi and find out.”

He thought to himself that just a year ago, he had been rebuffed by the clan academy—a bitter memory. He’d returned now, thinking to show them not to underestimate the young and poor, but now he was the one seeking a favor.

But then, this was his own nephew.

Unless he became a top scholar or a high-ranking official, the Zhang family still had little reason to be impressed. Pride could be set aside; blood ties would always run deep.

The night passed quietly.

The next day, Zhang Yue set out for the Southern Peak Academy.

Retracing familiar paths, he was filled with emotion. A year and a half had slipped by so quickly.

At the academy gate, the doorman was an old acquaintance. They exchanged a few words.

Upon entering, he noticed many new faces, but also some old ones. He recalled that his initial role had only been copying texts, and it was only later that he was permitted to join the Day of Brocade Hall for discussions, so strictly speaking, he was not considered a student of the academy.

His previous exclusion from the clan academy had been widely known, and at the time, he’d been deeply embarrassed, often wanting to avoid former classmates.

Now, after a year apart, he wasn’t certain whether to greet those acquaintances.

But on reflection, as Guo Lin had said, the one most concerned about others’ opinions is yourself. In truth, you are not so important in the eyes of others.

Poverty and failure may weigh heavily on you, but to others, it is just a fact to be noted. When you look at yourself through these tinted lenses, you only fall into another snare.

Sometimes, it’s necessary to cultivate a bit of insensitivity toward life.

So Zhang Yue chose to greet them.

“Sanlang! It really is you—I almost didn’t recognize you.”

“Are you wearing the county academy’s official robe? How enviable!”

Zhang Yue smiled lightly. Indeed, he had deliberately worn the county academy’s robe back to the Southern Peak Academy, just as one might walk proudly into the Hall of Brocade.

In the end, he was still a man of common tastes.

He greeted everyone, then waited by the Day of Brocade Hall.

The willows by the hall were unchanged, the water in the ink pond rippled as before, and Zhang Youzhi still lectured to the clan students within. But now, no one would drive Zhang Yue away.

Watching the students listen intently, Zhang Yue saw his younger self among them, yearning with envy from outside the hall.

That old longing, once so painful, now seemed almost laughable.

What can one say?

Those who can resolve their own emotions are truly admirable, but those who can find release through others’ help are admirable as well.