Chapter 62: Even the Deepest Dream Must End in Awakening

Shen Yu arrived at just the right moment. When Chu Xiu was on the verge of catching a chill from being confined in this damp, sinister room, he came to see her, bringing clothes and bedding.

Her sodden garments clung to her delicate curves, and beneath the hem of her skirt, a faint red stain spread from blood. Yet Chu Xiu seemed utterly oblivious, merely hugging her knees and curling up in a corner, lost in a daze.

“Han Chu.” Shen Yu ordered the cell opened, and, catching sight of Chu Xiu drenched through, his heart ached with pity. He strode quickly to her, draping the bedding over her shoulders and speaking with concern, “You look unwell. Change out of those wet clothes at once. I’ll wait for you outside.”

Chu Xiu’s gaze was unfocused; it took her a moment to react. She turned her head towards him. “Young Marquis…”

Shen Yu could scarcely bear to look at her, forcing himself to say, “Change your clothes first. Whatever needs saying can wait.” With that, he stepped out of the cell.

Chu Xiu did not reject his kindness. Glancing at the clean clothes he had brought, she finally changed into them. A dull ache twisted in her lower belly, a reminder that her monthly misfortune had come. Sure enough, the old, soaked clothes were stained deep red. She wondered if anyone had noticed before.

“Han Chu, are you done changing?” Shen Yu called from outside.

“Yes,” she answered softly.

At her reply, Shen Yu stepped inside. Noticing the blood on her discarded clothing, he was instantly alarmed. “Han Chu!”

She lifted her eyes in response, then followed his gaze, realizing his misunderstanding. She hurriedly covered the clothes. “I… I’m all right.”

Shen Yu’s lips pressed into a thin line as he reached out and took her pulse, examining her before asking, “You’re having your period?”

Chu Xiu lowered her eyes and did not answer.

Seeing this, Shen Yu’s heart ached all the more. “Why don’t you take better care of yourself?” He stood up, his voice tinged with anger. “I should tell the Dowager about this! Since you’re unwell, how could they let Yun Qi provoke you? Her own son is blinded by his desires, and now they torment you instead!”

“No, don’t go!” Chu Xiu grabbed Shen Yu’s sleeve, her voice floating and ethereal, “It wasn’t the Dowager’s idea. It was his will.”

“It was Wan Zhi who had you locked up here?” Shen Yu was surprised, but soon understood. After a moment’s silence, he changed the subject. “I’ll fetch you some medicine to dispel the chill.”

“No, there’s no need.” This time, Chu Xiu’s voice grew even quieter, tinged with embarrassment and shame.

Shen Yu sighed softly. “What is there to be embarrassed about? I am a doctor, and…” He gave a bitter laugh. “And I’ve come and gone among women all my life; there’s nothing about a woman’s private matters I do not know.”

He softened his tone, speaking almost in supplication. “Han Chu, don’t torment yourself. None of this is your fault, so why bear it alone?”

Chu Xiu only bit her lower lip, silent. Her sorrowful eyes betrayed a grief beyond words.

Suddenly, Shen Yu recalled the scene more than a year ago when Han Chu was abandoned by Helian Qi. Then, she had shut herself in her fragrant chamber at the Drunken Flower Pavilion, refusing food, refusing to speak, her silent anguish a product of betrayal and humiliation.

But now, in her eyes, Shen Yu could find no anger, only endless sorrow. No matter how Yun Ci treated her, she bore no resentment, taking all the blame upon herself…

It was only now that Shen Yu understood how deeply she loved him, and how bitterly he himself loved her. Yet this unwavering love between the two of them, whatever its end, had already fated Shen Yu to be an outsider, unable to interfere, unable to step in.

“Young Marquis, tell me, was I wrong? If only I had told him sooner that I was a woman of the dust…” Chu Xiu’s eyes were misted as she looked at Shen Yu, her voice choked with sobs, “Perhaps… perhaps I wouldn’t be suffering so much now.”

“Don’t say such foolish things!” Shen Yu tried to comfort her, his heart wrung with pain.

“It’s not foolish.” Chu Xiu buried her face in her knees and wept softly. “It’s all my fault… I was too selfish, I shouldn’t have hidden it from him… I thought no one would ever know…”

Her weeping grew louder. “I should have told him! How can a courtesan ever be the same as a woman from a good family… It’s me who disappointed him, me who made him despise me…”

“Han Chu!” Shen Yu stroked her still-damp hair, his chest hollow with emptiness. How he longed to comfort her, to tell her the truth, to tell her that Yun Ci had known her identity all along. But… he could not say it. He could not let all their efforts come to naught.

Chu Xiu, lost in her sorrow, did not notice Shen Yu’s inner struggle. After crying for a while, she suddenly raised her tear-stained, breathtaking face and looked at him with longing. “Young Marquis… please, take me away.” The look in her eyes was like one grasping a straw for life, desperate not to let go.

“You… changed your mind?” Shen Yu’s heart filled with bitter longing as he hesitated.

Chu Xiu nodded, her voice trembling with sobs. “If I go, perhaps he’ll remember the good in me. Not like now, when all that’s left is his disgust and aversion…”

Forgive her cowardice—she could no longer bear to stay. Only by leaving could she keep Yun Ci in her heart as he had been at his best, untouched by betrayal, by disappointment. He would remain the one she loved most, cherished in her memories forever.

She would wait for him in her memories, selfishly and self-deceptively.

“Do you even know what you’re saying, Han Chu?” Shen Yu’s anger flared. “You’re only deceiving yourself! No matter how much you love him, do you think that by leaving, you can pretend none of this happened? That he never hurt you?”

“Young Marquis…” Chu Xiu closed her eyes, unable to meet his gaze. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry… I’m too selfish, asking you to take me away, using you…”

“Selfish? Everyone is selfish.” Shen Yu’s handsome brows drew together, his chiseled profile shadowed with pain and disappointment. “If you use me to take you away, I won’t be angry. But if you truly believe that running away can change everything, then I can only look down on you for your self-deception.”

He seized her shoulders, forcing her to look up. “The Han Chu I knew—even when betrayed by Helian Qi—had her grievances, her anger; even when humiliated by Ming Ying, she had her pride and spirit. But now? Don’t be so humble!”

Chu Xiu shook her head, weeping. “It’s not the same, it’s not the same…” Since meeting Yun Ci, her entanglements with Helian Qi had become nothing but distant dust, nearly erased.

Sometimes, Chu Xiu wondered if she had ever truly loved Helian Qi deeply, or if she had merely sought someone who understood her, respected her, cared nothing for her origins. So when Helian Qi appeared, she had rushed into the flames like a moth to a candle…

It was Yun Ci who gave her a new life. She had thought she’d finally met the right man, one who would not care about her past. She’d never dared hope for a title—simply being together every day was enough.

Yet Heaven did not grant even this modest wish, first giving her a dream as sweet as honey, as gentle as water, only to wake her from it too soon. Now, as she tried to grasp it once more, all that remained was withering loss.

Almost in despair, Chu Xiu clung to Shen Yu’s sleeve, pleading bitterly, “Young Marquis, I beg you, take me away.” Her expression was so plaintive and moving that no one could bear to refuse her.

A word of agreement nearly escaped his lips; this was the moment Shen Yu had long awaited. But after that long conversation with Yun Ci, and after seeking advice from the Fourth Concubine of the Yun family, Shen Yu could no longer promise Han Chu, lest everyone’s painstaking efforts be for nothing.

Those hidden in the shadows, those who had poisoned them, were watching hungrily. If they discovered that Yun Ci’s beloved was not Xia Yanran but Chu Xiu… Shen Yu dared not imagine what cruel fate might befall her.

Yun Ci was right: better he himself mete out measured suffering than let her perish young at the hands of hidden enemies. Not knowing who lurked in the darkness, Yun Ci could only protect the woman he loved in this cruel way.

He had to guard against enemies in the shadows, and the Dowager in the light… Besides, both of them still bore the effects of the poison…

Thinking thus, Shen Yu finally steeled his heart and refused. “If you had asked me to do this a month ago, I would have taken you away without hesitation. But now, I cannot leave—not yet. I… have business to attend to in Fang Prefecture.”

“Is that so?” Upon hearing this, the light in Chu Xiu’s eyes dimmed instantly, disappointment and helplessness making Shen Yu’s heart ache all the more. She slowly released his sleeve and whispered, “I was too selfish… You’ve already been far too kind to me.”

“No, Han Chu, that’s not true.” Shen Yu sat down on the ground, bending towards her. “Just wait a little longer. When the time is right, I will take you away. But… not now.”

“If I wait any longer…” Chu Xiu murmured, “I fear I’ll lose all hope.”

To this, Shen Yu had no answer. In all his life, he’d felt this kind of heartache only twice—once when Yun Ci was wounded and left lame for saving him, and now, knowing the full truth and feeling utterly powerless.

“Don’t let your mind wander. Stay here and rest. In a few days, Wan Zhi will let you out.” Shen Yu could no longer bear to face Han Chu; another moment, and he feared he would reveal everything.

Almost biting his tongue, Shen Yu forced himself to his feet. “You’re still unwell, and you’ve been caught in the rain. I’ll find some medicinal herbs for you. Don’t think too much. Just rest.”

With those words, Shen Yu fled.

Outside the Hall of Justice, Yun Ci stood alone before the doors, staring silently at the cold, austere characters for “Iron Law.” Shen Yu’s hurried footsteps broke his reverie. Yun Ci looked at his confidant and friend, silently questioning him.

“She’s physically fine, not too chilled… but her spirit is poor. She seems deeply wounded,” Shen Yu reported succinctly.

Yun Ci seemed to relax, only to sigh faintly. “She’s not wounded enough, or Luan Qing would not have shaken her head at me.”

Shen Yu, not having been present at the tribunal that day, was unaware of what had transpired. “And what about Yun Qi? What will you do with him? Have you considered—perhaps it was he who poisoned you?”

“I don’t know…” A cold, mournful anguish flickered in Yun Ci’s eyes. “If it truly was the second branch, then today’s harassment of Chu Xiu was unnecessary. But perhaps it was a deliberate act, to muddy the waters…”

Yun Ci gave Shen Yu a bitter smile, his voice chilled to the bone. “Zi Feng, in the Yun household now, there’s no one I can trust—except you.”

Shen Yu understood perfectly. He walked closer, asking one last time, “Wan Zhi, is there no other way? Must it be like this? Does Master agree?”

At this, Yun Ci laughed in utter despair, walking away as he spoke. “If there were another way, my father would not have chosen death all those years ago.”